The couple games

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The couple games

Post  Legotransform on Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:43 am

James and Kate watched in amazement as millions upon millions of different people stared at them,Kate and james were the first couple to compete in the couple games,5 different games of sabotage,sacrafice,trust,tactics and strategy.A tall man in black standing inside a small podium announced:"LET THE COUPLE GAMES BEGIN!!",James and kate were suddenly in a forest,that was practically on fire,James and Kate dashed down the path;avoiding flaming logs and trees,A flaming tree suddenly fell infront of Kate,but James,who was slightly faster than Kate,Fell under the tree and it almost broke his legs because he didnt have any support and the rest of his body had not been touched,Kate ran and jumped over the log to make it to the end,a log practically skimmed her back near the end of the forest,but then,A massive fire blazed from all of the trees touching eachother when 1 falls,the fire quickly spread onto the grass and burnt Kate's leg,she bravely kept on going and reached the finish,but that did count as a fail because James could not run any farther because he squished his bones,Part 2 will have the next couple trying to overcome this course without having anything of theirs squished or broken.
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Re: The couple games

Post  Legotransform on Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:44 am

Any good?

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Re: The couple games

Post  Drag on Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:15 am

Are you just copying the hunger games? And you need some periods thrown in
there. Its almost just a huge run on sentence. But keep on writing!
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Re: The couple games

Post  MrSage on Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:15 pm

^ what drag said. there are quite a bit of run-on sentences.

you said the forest was "practically on fire" and also that it had burning logs and trees. practically means almost, so it'd mean the forest was not on her neck.

i think you shouldn't have used "because." it just sounds weird and not story-like, imo.

but yeah, it's an alright story.

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Re: The couple games

Post  Damxge on Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:39 pm

Not bad, but your grammar needs some improving Happy

Pretty well what they said.

And welcome to EXRPG!

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Re: The couple games

Post  Legotransform on Sun Mar 11, 2012 5:24 am

I got INSPIRATION from the hunger games,I changed it to people who are married,its a thing.

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Re: The couple games

Post  Legotransform on Mon Mar 12, 2012 5:33 am

Hey,I SUCK at stories

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Re: The couple games

Post  Damxge on Mon Mar 12, 2012 6:20 am

Lol, okay. Well, some good ways to get the creative juices flowing, is to read a good book. Create your own fantasy world inside of the world described by the story. Fill it with your own characters, and have them fight their own battles or perform their own ways free of the changes in the author's story, that way you don't have to work so hard to design the whole world of the story.

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Re: The couple games

Post  Legotransform on Thu Mar 15, 2012 4:44 am

hmmm,could try that.

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